Top 10 most annoying things to say to a pregnant woman

In most of my blogpost I want to convey (at least some) useful tips, but sometimes one just wants to complain… So today, I would like to retroactively complain about some of the most annoying remarks I got while pregnant. Here is a top 10 of the remarks that annoyed me most:1

1. You should really enjoy being pregnant! No. I did not find the feeling of constant nausea, heartburn and back ache particularly enjoyable. So thanks, but no thanks. I know there might be women out there who have had pleasant pregnancies, but I sure was not one of them.

2. You think you’re sleep deprived now, just wait until the baby is born! Ehmm well, I disagree. I got more hours of sleep once my babe was born than when I was still pregnant. And regardless of the situation, this is not a very encouraging or helpful thing to say to an exhausted pregnant mommy-to-be: it’s unlikely that someone who is pregnant is unaware of the fact that her newborn will not immediately sleep through the night, so no need to state the obvious.

3. You can tell ME his/her name. Pretty please? If someone doesn’t want to share the baby’s name before the baby is born. Let them be for crying out loud. It’s hard enough to keep it a secret without people nagging to know.

4. After prego shared the envisioned name: Ohh noo, my first grade teachers name was Rachel and she was horrible. Note to self: will never give this person any inside info ever again.

5. Just wait, once the baby is born, you’re going to miss your belly. I think at least a 100 people told me this. And guess what: IT’S NOT TRUE. I never missed my big ol’ belly. Not once. I don’t miss not fitting into my clothes or bumping into things constantly or not being able to squeeze between two cars in a parking lot. None of it really.

6. Wow, are you STILL pregnant? (when you’re 26 weeks along). When people say there are no stupid questions, they’ve clearly never been pregnant and been asked this question. If you have so little knowledge about pregnancy, fucking google it (excusez le mot, but this is actually the name of the website) first.

7. I bet you’re having a girl. Explanation: girls steal their moms beauty. Awesome. Thanks for the heads up.

8. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. No I don’t. Is there any first time mom who does? No. And I don’t feel like listening to your horror stories about parenthood. Give me some good news for Pete’s sake (I know right, who is Pete?).6

9. “Aren’t you ever scared something other than a baby will come out?” Someone actually asked me this. I’m pretty sure she was psychotic, but still. I replied: “What, you mean like ‘was I scared of giving birth to a cat instead of a baby’?” (this was indeed what she meant) No. And you know why: because never in the history of ever has a human being ever given birth to an animal. So no. This was not something that kept me up at night, but thanks for your concern.

10. You must be due any second. (when you’re 30 weeks along). If by “any second” you mean in 6652800 seconds, than yes, you could say I’m due any second *mentally removes your name from the list of people to send a birth announcement card to*.

Oh, and to anyone out there who has ever asked one of the above: don’t you dare blame hormones for the angry response you will receive. It’s not me, it’s you. You brought this all on yourself.

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